20110911

Leaving for Dragon*Con~

Will be back next week, hopefully a better person like after every worthwhile trip~~ Sometimes I feel like there are so many ideas and feelings I would like to share, but somehow I find myself holding back. Sometimes it is a fear of speaking too soon, but most of the time it is a question of how much and exactly what is appropriate to disclose. Appropriate in what sense, even?

Pre-Otakon WIP

Will try to finish this for Otakon. Even got special paper for the prints, so fancy~~
This is an idea that's been floating around in my mind for a little while and I decided now was the right time to finally execute it. I'm a bit disappointed with my progress since last year's Otakon, but that's not really the point, just a small additional factor that is forcing me to work right now.

CMT Adventures So Far

Need to keep getting ready for Otakon instead of blabbing on here, but I feel like I owe an update--

I haven’t really uploaded any new art in a while; part of the reason is that pretty much right before leaving for AM2, I decided to start participating on CreateMyTattoo.com. Sasha had told me about the website a couple of months prior, but I didn’t start participating right away. Since joining, I’ve won a few contests and lost a few. The way I approach the entire venture is: even if I don’t win, the time I invest will pay off in the form of a more complete portfolio. For a while, I’ve really been considering getting into tattooing. It started with people at conventions either inquiring about tattoo design commissions or commenting that my style would work well for tattoos; these comments increased in frequency until the question “Why not?” implanted itself in my mind. Instead of just drawing up designs, however, I would ideally like to find a really good apprenticeship. While I am still not sure what my plans concerning the JET program for next year are, I figure for now I’ll get as much practice in as I can and keep working on the very constant and very general goal of further developing my style.

These are a bit different from designs I would normally take on, but it is a necessary compromise, so to say. And I’m glad to be using my collection of FW inks a lot more now, haha~~

The rest can be seen on my actual CMT account page: http://www.createmytattoo.com/tzolotareva

The principles I have been trying to follow so far: (1) paying very careful attention to what the client/commissioner/contest holder wants, and (2) knowing the extent and limits of my own style and abilities, so as to better gauge which challenges to take on. Sometimes I judge accurately, sometimes not so much~

There is an interesting sense of responsibility that comes along with designing a tattoo. The realization that I am drafting something that will permanently go on someone’s body—the first time I experienced it was when I was working on [this design]. People change; their relationships with ideas and past experiences change as well. One of the things I can hope for is that my designs will not eventually become cause for regret.

Today

ANARCHRIST; thoughts & progress

Above anything else, this drawing was inspired by Kien’s song “ANARCHRIST.” When I first listened to the song, the composition itself and the title intertwined in my mind to create the prototype idea for this project. Naturally, willingly, it glided up to me from within the chaos of the song. Guided by the effect it produced within me, I wanted to create something that could capture the qualities of the music itself. It took a while before I felt like it was the right time to work on this, but it came earlier in the year. Up until this point, music-related/inspired drawings I have worked on have been heavily based on references of band members and/or song lyrics. This is especially true if I think back to the GDS collaboration stage (already writing my own history book, it seems), during which Alex and I spliced together lyrics and screen-capped references to create something very collage-like. I wanted this to be different, I wanted it to stem from the music itself.

If I think about it, I am not used to listening to vocal-less music. I am often charmed by the vocalist’s voice—its intensity, its message. Not having words layered over the music track, however, allowed me to take a different approach. I paid attention to what otherwise might have been muted from my field of hearing, and it was from the structure and atmosphere of the track that I worked.

Chaos, repetition, progression. A sense of spiraling further into something uncontrollable. Multi-layered complexity, aggressive determination, something beautifully savage, almost offensive.

As I’ve written before, I am not a supporter of clear, precise definitions within my drawings. In fact, I do not really want to address the symbols I have included directly, partially because it would amount to a list of potential interpretations that in the end may be completely irrelevant. I should point out that there are certain themes I worked with; namely, the arbitrary meanings we embed into symbols and gestures, the power they hold in various contexts—politics, religion, personal affairs. The circular form as a vehicle inherent in human history, in cultures across the world. And of course, I could not refrain from the grim notes of mayfly symbolism.

To address a personal issue than will inevitably rise from this, I will say only this: I cannot help but go along with whatever calls to me, whatever inspires me at the moment and lifts me out of myself. To be more straightforward:

Alex, I am sorry if this somehow hurts you; that was honestly never my intention, and I hope you understand.

Kien, I hope this does some justice to your composition. Please continue writing music, I’m always looking forward to hearing more.

Philly Comic Con & NYC

I would like to say that I feel somehow more awakened, but I think it may be just the desire for an awakening that is propelling me. I think that what I feel instead is a heightened sense of urgency about my life and am not quite sure what to do about it.

My trip to Philly Comic Con and NYC is a very bittersweet kind of experience. In a way, it is an epitome of “a mixed experience” that I seem to have so often when I travel to cons—a mix of good and bad that, in the end, all forms into one complete experience that I would never give up.

In New York, I got to stay with Sasha for a couple of days. The McQueen exhibit at the Met completely overwhelmed me—overloaded my mind and dissolved my insides. I allowed myself to be dissipated, to melt into it, whatever “it” is. If I think of the right public words, I will describe my experience there.

Over this past week, something broke down and gave way to something else. I don’t know the specifics, but I can feel it. Whether it grows into a cankerous monster or a beautiful leafy tree (is there a combination of both?)  is up to me.